I want. But also, I'm cheap. Which is probably just as well.

I want a new car. I do not need a new car; I have a car and it still runs great. It’s 9 years old, 75k miles, looks good on the outside, hasn’t hit the expensive maintenance stage of life. But I still want a new one. I want a car with all the fun bells and whistles. I want one that my phone talks to. I really want one with a trunk that closes with a button—instead of pulling it down myself and pulling my shoulder repeatedly. I could convince myself that it’s a need. That the shoulder thing is a big deal. That I could get an electric car and it would be more eco-friendly. But, yeah. The most eco-friendly car is the one that you already have. I don’t drive enough to change that math. I can be careful of my shoulder. I do not need all the fancy driver assist features. I still want a fancy new car though.

I want a new house too. I want a house that’s big enough for me to have a space that’s mine. One that I don’t have to share and isn’t also the entry way. I want a house with a space that I could put a library/lego room in. I want a house where Mark’s home office is out of earshot of the spaces where I spend most of my day. (A desire brought to you by remote work.) I want a house with a yard where I could try to garden. I want a house with a space big enough for me to host family holiday dinners. But I don’t want to spend another $2M+ on said house (in addition to the $1.3M we could sell the townhouse for). I don’t even know if they’d approve us for that right now. And I don’t want to change William’s school. So, here we are. Because the house we have (the townhouse) is fine. We fit well enough. A yard is a want, not a need. Anything we buy is going to need more work than this house does. But I still want.

Ugh.